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Fish Food

by Bonecage

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    If you are one of the thoughtful few to pre-order "Fish Food", I will personally email you a "serious" song I wrote that didn't make the cut on the album. It will not be released again, and you will likely be one of the only people to ever hear it. It is a song about Luigi and the crushing sadness he endures because he is unable to make it work with Daisy. You'll probably cry... from pain.
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1.
Grab my toys Grab my shoes Don't forget my apple juice I'm going to grandma's house Grandma's house is pretty cool If you like to play backgammon Yea, they got it out the butthole I just can't wait for grandma's house They have Monopoly and PBS Building a wiener out of play dough Welcome to grandma's house Where all the milk is warm and all the hugs go on just a little bit too long And grandpa says "Stay the fuck off the furniture you goddamn heathens" Oh yea Having so much fun at grandma's house Every visit grandpa says Stay the fuck out of his shed There's rusty nails and broken glass in there So I climb an apple tree But grandma says that's not for me It's for the big kids What the hell else can I do? I can't play with anything at grandma's house Can't touch the cookie jar or grandpa's teeth So I play with rubber bands in the junk drawer Welcome to grandma's house You better take your shoes off at the door Cause grandpa gets flashbacks from Korea And he's not fucking around anymore But grandma loves you She makes you cookies and shit Oh yea Having so much fun at grandma's house Grandma knows how to boogie on down Grandma, show us how to boogie on down First you step to the left Then you step to the right Then you fart real quiet And you blame it on grandpa Then you sew, sew, sew that fucking quilt For your other grandkids But you know, know, know that you don't love them as much as me Grandpa knows how to boogie on down Grandpa, show us how to boogie on down First you... (noises) And during out dinner, we watch TV They turn it to Family Feud and Jeopardy Can't wait to come back again tomorrow Welcome to grandma's house This time is better than the last time that you came cause now Your grandma knows your name and favorite candy And grandpa's upstairs taking a nap Cause he's sleepy from the guldurn yard work Oh yea Having so much fun at grandma's house
2.
I'm caught in a trap I can't walk out Literally a bear trap baby Don't you know that The pain is extreme My leg's turning green I'm not sure if can escape Oh why did I go walking In the woods alone I think my leg's infected I can see the bone So with a stick and a rock I try to hack it off And pack the wound with grass and peat moss Don't you know I'm Crawling on my knees While I excessively bleed I think about my wife and children I pray to God for mercy And pass out in a cave When I regain my sense A bear is eating my face Clawing and chewing my eyes Oh god please just let me die He seems to be taking his time And that's when I remember The knife in my boot I unsheeth my blade And stab it at his face When he recoils that's my chance to run Sprinting through the night Blind and blood filled eyes Survival instinct leads me back to camp But don't you know that While I was trapped The bears all attacked And murdered all my friends and family Everywhere there's Intestines and brains Ripped arms and legs Eviscerated chunks of human flesh Oh Jesus why Did they have to die We'll I guess there's only one way out for me
3.
4.
Oh what a day I've had What a very special day I've had Oh what a very special day I've had I smoked some crack in Chipotle Then I beat off in the restroom Oh what a very special day I've had And I'm high on life And I'm high on spray paint fumes Hello spider demon with a penis-shaped balloon hat Where's my pants? Donde estan mis pantalones por favor? I'd like some more please Oh what a day I've had What a very special day I've had Oh what a very special day I've had I did some meth with my best friend Ray Then threw my feces at his face Yea buddy what a special day I've had And I made some cash selling nick nacks at the pawn shop And I didn't even buy a tranny hooker with a mustache No sir ri That wasn't me Oh wait a second, yes it was Shout out to Dwayne Oh what a day I've had What a very special day I've had Oh what a very special day I've had I killed a man for fifteen bucks Then chopped him up and threw him in the river What a special day I've had And I watched cartoons Whacked out on PCP All the Care Bears and the Smurfs were having interracial orgies Then Alf appeared and took a giant hairy crap on everyone I'm having so much fun Oh what a day I've had What a very special day I've had Oh what a very special day I've had
5.
Oh yeah You're a sexy woman And I know what it takes to keep a sexy woman happy I'm gonna show you I care I'm gonna shave my balls and take you out to Denny's We're gonna get a Grand Slam We're gonna get a Grand Slam We're gonna get a Grand Slam And then we're going back to my place Keep going Don't stop Keep going Keep doing what you're doing now Feels good and you're hot Uh oh baby please slow down Baseball, dead dogs, diarrhea And my grandma in her panties Oh shit, too late I premature ejaculate Oh yea, you're a sexy woman But it's so hard to last when your ass is getting crazy You gotta slow, slow it down Take it easy baby, we can work together Give me one more chance Give me one more chance Give me one more chance I promise I'll do better Keep going Don't stop Keep going Keep doing what you're doing now Feels good and you're hot Uh oh baby please slow down Baseball, dead dogs, diarrhea And my grandma in her panties Oh shit, too late I premature ejaculate Oh damn There I go again As soon as I poke it I choke and then I blow a load again I'm use to boning all the fatties with a knobby knees Give em all my love and then give em leftover Applebees It took me all damn night to get you in the sack But now you're here I'm 5 seconds from a uhn splat God damn! You're a sexy girl Oh man! This is gonna hurt my pride Caught me by suprise when I see your sexy eyes get a funny feeling deep inside You got a big round ass and I can't handle it I'm begging you please please please can we go again Uhn yeah! I'm gonna try real hard! Uhn yeah! I'm gonna think of real nasty shit! Like boogers and Gary Busey, bloody scabs in a poop stew make me feel loosey goosey And now I'm ready to give it another try it's time pull it together now or never cause it's do or die Never gonna let up Never gonna give in Never gonna another girl like you again Keep going Don't stop Keep going Keep doing what you're doing now Feels good and you're hot Uh oh baby please slow down Baseball, dead dogs, diarrhea And my grandma in her panties Oh shit, too late I premature ejaculate
6.
Hi I'm Nathan, it's so nice to meet you I really like your shoes I guess I should probably kill you now But I'm really not in the mood Cause depression gets the best of the worst of us Even dreadlock'd monsters like me And if you were familiar with anthropod-like features You'd know that I was really having a hard time being The guy who kills humans in the jungle for sport And keeps decapitated skulls in a tree My vision's based on heat so I wish that you could see things through my eyes You would know that I have warmth inside my heart And I hang out in the trees because nobody seems to like me If you shoot me I will bleed, even though it might be a little bit green And everyone stop blaming me for all these goddamn bodies in the trees Cause that's not me I'm Nathan, you can call me Predator I can turn invisible But I can't make you see That behind my metal mask and grotesque mandibles I'm really trying to smile here And I ripped off your arms but you tore out my heart With your cruel, insensitive words My vision's based on heat so I wish that you could see things through my eyes You would know that I have warmth inside my heart And I hang out in the trees because nobody seems to like me If you shoot me I will bleed, even though it might be a little bit green And everyone stop blaming me for all these goddamn bodies in the trees Cause that's not me I'm Nathan, you can call me Predator And I'm sorry I killed you friends And I'm sorry I blew that island up And I'm sorry I killed Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura Can we make up? My vision's based on heat so I wish that you could see things through my eyes You would know that I have warmth inside my heart And I hang out in the trees because nobody seems to like me If you shoot me I will bleed, even though it might be a little bit green And everyone stop blaming me for all these goddamn bodies in the trees Cause that's not me I'm Nathan
7.
You had a rough night and so you decide To buy a cup of Joe before work But when you arrive, you're unhappy to find Your money's just a little bit short Noone expects you to find 20 cents in your belly button Once short on change now you're making it rain from your belly button Blessed with an innie A pocket for pennies And nickles and quarters and dimes Oh I'm so glad you're mine Time to go home and I'm walking alone So I take a shortcut through the park What's this I see, a dog staring at me And his red eyes piercing the dark I'm fighting this hound while I'm digging around in my belly button What a relief, for a pound of raw beef in my belly button Now we're best friend, and he's licking my chin And he's letting me go for a ride Oh I'm so glad you're mine Belly button Ooo, ooo Belly, belly, I love you North of your waste is a magical place And the belly button's what it's name is Digging around, well you may be astounded By the treasures hiding within Two week old mints or a big piece of lint in your belly button Bits of eclair or a curly black hair in your belly button So if you are able, start probing your navel You never know quite what you'll find Hiding deep inside your belly button Ooo, ooo Belly, belly, I love you Belly button Ooo, ooo Belly, belly, I love you
8.
Hey ya there now Ariel I really dig those seashells on your boobies Can I give you a back massage? Maybe then I could take you to a movie And if I play my cards right Maybe I'll get sweet fish love tonight Alright alright But nobody told me You can't sex up a mermaid Woah-oh-ee-oh-ee-oh Mermaids just aren't built for having sex with human beings I wish I woulda known that I coulda saved myself a trip to the bottom of the ocean What a silly notion Having sex with a Mermaid I'm a man and you're a fish It's ok I just wish things were different We'd buy a house with a fence and a yard Get a dog and we'd try real hard To make it all work out And we'd live the good life And make some babies when the time was right But it'll never be right Cause it's wrong to breed manphibians You can't sex up a mermaid Woah-oh-ee-oh-ee-oh Mermaids just aren't built for having sex with human beings I wish I woulda known that I coulda saved myself a trip to the bottom of the ocean What a silly notion Having sex with a Mermaid All this love I feel inside All this pain I cannot hide Cause I can't find your vagina It'll never work between us baby We come from two different worlds, you and me You live in the ocean Got fins and crabs for friends And I'm just a well-endowed man who writes incredible music You can't sex up a mermaid You can't sex up a mermaid, in the ghetto You can't sex up a mermaid, in the ghetto
9.
Hey Sure, I'm Charlie I couldn't help but see you sitting here alone Hey Sure, can I call you? Maybe we can plan our lives together on the telephone Hey Sure, it's Charlie again I guess you must have forgot my number You said you'd call, but you never did And that was three days ago And I've been sittin' round in my underwear thinking of you And eatin' Doritos Call me whenever you can Hey Sue, whatcha doin? How you been? This is Charlie. I met you at the bar, Hey Sue, I really miss you I tried to call you every day I guess I'll give it one more try Hey Sure, it's Charlie again I guess you must not have got my message I've been waiting by the telephone since Six days ago And I made you a brand new fancy necklace out of cat bones You better come get it Can't wait to see you again Call me whenever you can Ooo, ooo, ooo be my girlfriend We can get chinese food And I'll show you my collection Of baby doll arms and Star Wars figurines And I promise not to kill you in your sleep
10.
Living as a teenage boy is lame Hormones raging every single day And the girls everywhere always whipping their hair And smelling good and toying with my heart The only thing I think about is sex It's turning me all stupid and obsessed And I failed science class and I'm shitty at math But I'm McGyver when it comes to beating off And I've got a makeshift vagina cause I'm 15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find Is a latex rubber glove stuffed inside a rolled up sock Wedged underneath the mattress of my bed Penis you're a blessing and a curse I'll need you if I ever find a girl But you're also a pain cause you try to escape And put yourself in every hole on Earth God I really need a girl to hold Tired of boning toilet paper rolls But the goal seems to be an impossible dream Until achieved I guess I'll have to live With my makeshift vagina cause I'm 15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find Is an unwashed purple thong and a picture of your mom Stapled to a rotten piece of fruit And I've got a makeshift vagina cause I'm 15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find Is my cold and tingly hand that I choke with a rubber band It helps me to pretend Makeshift vagina
11.
Well here I am just livin on Mars tryin to make end meet for my family of insect mutant children. I got a little place in Sector R right down the street from a shopping mall and that bar where the girl with three boobs works. But money's tight, and times are hard for the working man. And talk is cheap, and you know oxygen ain't free. And I've got five kids to feed. Workin' on a cab drivin' salary. Some may say I'm evil, but I think The end justifies the means. And Benny JR. one through five would parish without me. I've got five kids to feed. And it gets hard to pay your rent and electric bills with the Benny (doh!) cabs taking all our jerbs. So I turn to a life of crime. You know I don't like it, but Cohagen helps me keep the little ones in private school. And I don't owe you anything. I don't even know your name. And I don't care if it's Hauser or it's Quaid. Cause I've got five kids to feed. Workin' on a cab drivin' salary. Some may say I'm evil, but I think The end justifies the means. Help me find this Kuato guy, and I would sure be pleased. I've got five kids to feed. It comes down to you or them. And their my family. And your some guy that I just met. You don't know me. And I'm gonna drill you sucker. You'll rue the day when you told yourself, hey self you said. Get your ass to Mars. I've got five kids to feed. Workin' on a cab drivin' salary. Some may say I'm evil, but I think The end justifies the means. And oh hey, did I mention Quaid, I ain't even married? Five kids to feed.
12.
Hey there cutie at the bar Would you like to dance with me? I've been known to cut a rug from time to time But I think you'll find through the bump and grind I will remain a gentleman With the exception of one tiny thing Well in this case not such a tiny thing But I'd appreciate if you'd do me just one little favor Please ignore my massive erection It's not an accurate reflection of the respect I have for you I'll give you love without reservation Give my life without hesitation If you ignore my massive erection I am a softy with a stiffy But I would never treat you wrong or make you cry I can't hide this huge erection But my heart is also big and I'm not afraid to cry And I'm everything you wanted in a guy Excluding the huge erection I know some other guys aren’t pitching tents but even so They’re chauvinistic pigs That’s not how I operate but my penis won’t cooperate Or listen to my brain when it explains that you’re a classy lady And I only hold the highest praise for the fairer gender Look me in the eyes and pay no mind to my encroaching member Please ignore my massive erection It's not an accurate reflection of the respect I have for you I'll give you love without reservation Give my life without hesitation If you ignore my massive erection I am a softy with a stiffy But I would never treat you wrong or make you cry I can't hide this huge erection But my heart is also big and I'm not afraid to cry And I'm everything you wanted in a guy I am his penis And I don’t wanna hear about your day I just want to grind against your jeans And gyrate to the sounds of Marvin Gay Huge erection…
13.
School really sucks My best friend Carl crapped his pants again And that bully Todd is such a jerk Needless to say I've had a rough day All I wanna do is go back home And eat some tasty tacos But my mom won't let me Oh no, mom and dad made soup beans and cornbread And it's so unfair cause we never get tacos And you know if I was all grown up I could do and say and eat what I wanted And I would never have to eat soup beans and cornbread Why would anyone Make bread out of corn? And who likes bean soup? Only communists and mom and dad I don't see why we can't have tacos We have everything we need to make Sweet meaty, cheesy, tasty, ooey, gooey tacos Oh no, mom and dad made soup beans and cornbread And it's so unfair cause we never get tacos And you know if I was all grown up I could do and say and eat what I wanted And I would never have to eat soup beans and cornbread Clean my room up. Put my clothes in the hamper now So please can we have tacos? Do my homework and be nice to my brother now So please can we have tacos? Be a good boy. Feed the dog. Mow the lawn and go to Sunday school. Learn all about magic animals And fake a smile for the tacos that await me Sit your ass back down Wipe that smile off your face Your eating habits are a disgrace And you better clean your plate For this is how Americans eat And you need to understand if out plan is to succeed Of course we make bread out of corn We make everything from corn And we have since before you were born So eat your brown and your green thing And everything between before you ruin everything With your Mexican cuisine Oh no, mom and dad made soup beans and cornbread And it's so unfair cause we never get tacos And you know if I was all grown up I could do and say and eat what I wanted And I would never have to eat soup beans and cornbread Oh no, mom and dad made soup beans and cornbread And it's so unfair cause we never get tacos And you know if I was all grown up I could do and say and eat what I wanted And I would never have to eat soup beans and cornbread
14.
It's funny how it all works out One day your friends the next your not I'd give my money For just one more day Throwing baseball at the park with you But I can't unsee all that I saw I accidentally saw your penis Now I can't be your friend anymore You and I been all around We've had out share of ups and downs But there's one thing I can't handle I accidentally saw your penis in the bathroom of a Chili's Now I can't be your friend anymore I'm sorry how it all worked out You deserve better than to be Left out in the cold And I hate for it to end this way But the image of your twisted wang is burned inside my brain I accidentally saw your penis Now I can't be your friend anymore You and I been all around We've had out share of ups and downs But there's one thing I can't handle I accidentally saw your penis in the bathroom of a Chili's Now I can't be your friend anymore

about

The 2nd full-length album by Bonecage, "Fish Food" delves into the important subjects of Arnold Schwarzenegger films, artisan-crafted artificial vaginas, your grandma (and my grandma... EVERYBODY'S GRANDMA). Plus, there's a sweet shark on the cover.

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released April 1, 2014

Special thanks to Samuel Johnson for the cover art and Brian Redban for co-writing "Olive Garden Butthole".

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Bonecage Austin, Texas

The man, the myth, the legend... I write songs about my grandma, homemade vaginas and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

Weird Al Yankovic, Jonathan Coulton, Tenacious D... probably all better than me BUT, if you like that style, you might just love me.

My songs encompasses a range of genres from Pop-Punk to Motown to Adult Contemporary. A little something for everyone, and it's all ridiculous.
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