Bacon

by Bonecage

supported by
/
  • Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

     name your price

     

1.
2.
3.
02:21
4.
5.
6.
03:08
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.

credits

released November 24, 2012

tags

license

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist

about

Bonecage Austin, Texas

The man, the myth, the legend... I write songs about my grandma, homemade vaginas and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

Weird Al Yankovic, Jonathan Coulton, Tenacious D... probably all better than me BUT, if you like that style, you might just love me.

My songs encompasses a range of genres from Pop-Punk to Motown to Adult Contemporary. A little something for everyone, and it's all ridiculous.
... more

contact / help

Contact Bonecage

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Oh Shit What?!
Oh shit
What I say when I lose my keys
What I scream when I’m stung by bees
When I break a statue’s penis, like Chunk from the Goonies says
Oh shit what
What I yell when I stub my toe
How I feel when the weekend’s over
When I’m stuck in the Fratelli’s basement, like Chunk from the Goonies says
Oh shit what
When the dog pukes on the rug
When I’m running and I swallow a bug
When I gotta do the truffle shuffle, like Chunk from the Goonies says
Oh shit what
When I’m hungry and I got no food
Then I stumble on a Baby Ruth
And I find a pint of Rocky Road, like Chunk from the Goonies says
Oh shit what
I’m just a Chunk in a world that won’t love me
Hawaiian shirts and a best friend named Sloth
Trapped in a basement with evil Fratellis
Biding my time while I’m singing my song
Oh shit
I’m just a Chunk in a world that won’t love me
Hawaiian shirts and a best friend named Sloth
Trapped in a basement with evil Fratellis
Biding my time while I’m singing my song
Track Name: Helping Out the Poor is Fun
Hello scary homeless guy on the corner
Here’s a couple quarters please don’t touch my car
Here’s an extra sandwich for your mangy little dog
If you’re here tomorrow I’ll probably call the cops
Hello stinky hippie man on the subway
Smelling like patchouli I got you a gift
It’s a bottle of shampoo and some khakis for your kids
Maybe they won’t all grow up like you
It feels so good to give back to the community I live in
Charity is my middle name
Well actually it’s Topher
But with a little help from me I can make all of these dirty stinky helpless people clean
Sent $20 to the hungry kids in the Congo
I’ve done everything I can now the rest is up to them
Maybe consider investing in a long-term savings plans
Feels good to be such a thoughtful caring me
I bought a bunch of wheelchairs for all the cripples
I sent a bunch of helmets out to the local funny farm
Cause I don’t wanna live in a world where the cripples and the crazies aren’t properly cared for
Maybe now they’ll help me mow my lawn
It feels so good to give back to the people all around me
Compassion is a virtue and I got it by the assload
And with a little help from me I can make all of these dirty stinkin godless people see
Helping out the poor is fun
You can treat em all like pets
And you can write it off on your taxes anyway
I got plenty of dough for everyone cause daddy had a hedge fund
And helping out the poor is lots of fun
Helping out the poor is fun
Even though they smell like fish
And they don’t understand the working of our economic system
So they slave away from 9 to 5 while I’m off drinking Mai Ties
And helping out the poor is lots of fun
Track Name: How I Care
I love you, I love you, I love you
Did I mention I love you
I’ve always loved you and I think I always will
To show you how much I care
I made you a necklace out of pieces of human hair
That I collected from all of the girls that I thought that I loved before
I need you, I need you, I need you
Never deceive you
And I’ll never leave you no matter what you say
To show you my love will last
I wrote you this poem and carved it into my back
And now its infected but its ok the pain just reminds me of how you
Smell like love and pigeon heads
I’m crazy, I’m crazy, I’m crazy
Did you know that I’m crazy
I’m crazy about you and crazy for blood
Please could you not pay attention to
Anything else that I say cause I forgot to take
All my medicine now all I’m thinking about
Is the harvesting of hum an toenails and making a
Full-scale replica of John C. Reilly’s face
Track Name: Doucheworm Attacks!
One day I was sleeping outside
When a little worm crawled in my ear
And latched onto my frontal cortex
And paralyzed my mind
Then I started doing real douche things
Like calling everybody chief
And wearing too much Axe Effect
And taking off my shirt
But it’s not my fault the worm controls me
It’s an attack
Attack of the doucheworm
Somewhere deep inside my brain and I’ll never be the same
I got attacked
Attacked by the doucheworm
I don’t wanna be this way
Someone help me find a way
To unpop all my collars once again
Now my closet’s filled with only skinny jeans and Affliction tees
And I started going to Zoomba class and watching Jersey Shore
And I put a spoiler on my car even though my car’s a giant piece of shit
The worm told me that chicks dig spoilers and I must obey the worm
My hair’s all slick this worm’s a dick
It’s an attack
Attack of the doucheworm
Somewhere deep inside my brain and I’ll never be the same
I got attacked
Attacked by the doucheworm
I don’t wanna be this way
Someone help me find a way
To unpop all my collars once again
When I’m walkin down the street
I wanna stop and tell all the people I meet
Im sorry for the way I strut it and make em all look bad
Cause my junk is freshly manscaped in the shape of a heart
Don’t act like you’re not impressed
I got tickets for you (tickets for what)
To the guns show and you’re a VIP
Let me introduce you to my worm It’s an attack
Attack of the doucheworm
Somewhere deep inside my brain and I’ll never be the same
I got attacked
Attacked by the doucheworm
I don’t wanna be this way
Someone help me find a way
To unpop all my collars once again
Track Name: Happiest Song Ever Made
Since you left me I’ve been doing ok
I got blackout drunk
Cried until I puked
And pissed in my parents’ sock drawer
Every day so much better than the last
Yesterday I bought a new shirt
Today maybe a gun
I’m so happy
Happiest song ever made
Think I’ll go out for some ice cream
And I don’t even wanna die
I’m happy
Happiest song ever made
Drowning in an ocean of joy
Full of puppies and kittens and pain
Saw you at the mall
You were grinning ear to ear (why you so happy)
I’m so glad to see you’re happy without me
I hope you’re killed by bees
(laughter) just kidding
I would never wish for that (don’t get killed by bees)
Cause if you’re killed by bees
Then you could never see
How much you mean to me and come back home and make me happy
I’m so happy
Happiest song ever made
Maybe I’ll go to a movie
And hopefully choke on some popcorn and die
I’m happy
Happiest song ever made
And I don’t wanna die
Well I kinda wanna die
I really wanna die, die, die, die
Hey brain (what)
What should I do (do about what)
Do about all these voices that are talking to me (maybe you should listen to them)
But they tell me bad thing (bad things are in the eye of the beholder, that’s you)
That’s me
And I’m happy (super happy now)
The voices tell me what to do
Not you
And they tell me I don’t need you anymore
I’m so happy
Happiest song ever made
Maybe I’ll crochet a sweater
And after the sweater I’ll crochet a noose
Track Name: Dear God
Hey God it’s been a while since I talked to you
And I know I probably don’t deserve it
But I got a couple things to ask you
But I’m not the best with words I guess you already know
So I wrote you a letter and it goes
Dear God
My neighbor is an asshole
Could you end his life
Dear God
My kid’s no good at baseball
Could you make him more like me
Dear god
I don’t ask for very much
I just want a new hot tub
Dear God, dear God, dear God
Hey God here’s the story
I was drinking down at the bar
When a hot little lass with a tattoo on her ass
Invited me to the car
And yea I admit things might have got a little out of hand
But I didn’t mean to kill her
God I could sure use a miracle now
Dear God
Could you help me hide this hooker
I can’t go to jail
Dear God
You’d think I’d get a little slack cause it’s only the third one I’ve killed this week
Dear God
I won’t tell you how to work but why you gotta make em so fragile
Dear God, dear God, dear God
Well god alright
I’m thinking this might
Be a huge waste of time and I’m better off praying to
Somebody else who listens so I say
Tom Hanks
Can I be in your new movie
I’m your biggest fan
No thanks
I don’t need your agent’s number
I’ll just take your home address
Tom Hanks
Maybe I’ll visit you at night
When your family’s all asleep
Track Name: Ugly Baby (Baby Fight)
Your ugly baby haunts my dreams
Every time I close my eyes I see
Ugly baby
And I may sound a bit obscene
But I don’t trust your baby
Ugly baby
Deep inside your baby’s eyes there’s evil
Evil baby trying to kill me with it eyes
And I’m just trying to keep it cool cause I know your baby smells fear
I may be young but I’m not a fool
It’s him or me that’s how it’s gotta be
I was happy I was safe
That was all before I met
Ugly baby
Misshapen head and pointy teeth
And now he’s trying to eat my sould
Hungry baby
Ugly baby trying to eat my soul
He’s never gonna let me go
I have no other choice
I gotta fight your baby
I don’t wanna fight your baby but I don’t wanna die
And if it comes down to him or me I’m gonna fight that baby
And I’ll save the world from the evil babyyou spawned
It’s not your fault, not your fault, not your fault
You had an ugly baby
Your ugly baby took my life and swallowed me up whole
Ugly baby
He keeps the souls of all his conquered foes deep inside
Ugly baby
Track Name: Bacon Lovesong
Oh do you remember
Well I was only 15
Never ever had breakfast before
Oh bacon you touched me
How I had never been touched
Now I’ll never be touched how you touched me like you did
I love you bacon
I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
I wanna put you in my mouth
I love you bacon
You’re the only one for me
Please don’t blow my heart up when we’re older
Oh I got a problem
Because I love you bacon but I don’t think you feel the same way
Oh how can I trust you
Because you’re going round town filling everyone’s mouth with your tasty bacon juice
But I still love you bacon
I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
I wanna put you in my mouth
I love you bacon
You’re the only one for me
Please don’t blow my heart up when we’re
Old and grey and all out stories
Revolve around out childhood glories
You’ll still be the king of all the breakfast meats
And when it’s time to make some lovin’
Even though my looks are fading
You’ll be nice and tell me that my ass still looks pretty good
I love you bacon
I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
I wanna put you in my mouth
I love you bacon
You’re the only one for me
Please don’t blow my heart up when we’re older
I still love you bacon
I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
I wanna put you in my mouth
I love you bacon
You’re the only one for me
Please don’t blow my heart up when we’re older
Track Name: Lady in the Pit
It’s been a long time
It’s been such a very long time
Since I killed a man for fun
And it’s a cold night
It’s such a very cold night
For all my prisoners in the basement
Please believe me when I tell you
I don’t know what voice is real
And I don’t know what year it is
And I’s still trying to figure out my brain
Maybe you’ll help me
It’s been a hard fight
It’s been such a very hard fight
To capture people in my van
And it’s a good sign
It’s such a very good sign
You put the lotion in the basket
Ladies could you keep it down
I’m so worn out from knitting hats
Of human skin and wearing high heels and
All your screaming makes it hard to sleep
Thanks for listening
Lady in the pit
Can you help me be a better man
Could you maybe lend a helping hand
Before I feed you to my pigs in just a bit
You’re so much more than just my captive
You’re a friend
Lady in the pit
I was alone but now you’re with me
Well not technically with me
Cause you’re in the pit for just a bit
Someday I’ll hoist you in my bucket
And I’ll never find another girl like you
Lady in the pit
Track Name: Raw Gay Panda Meat
I don’t eat chicken
I don’t eat fish
I don’t eat bread
And I never eat cheese
The only thing that goes in me
Is dairy, carbo, sulfate, gluten free
And it better roam free
And I don’t want it cooked
And I don’t care about its sexual preference
Or the color of its skin
Cause beauty lies within
All I wanna eat
Is raw gay panda meat
The only thing I need
Gimme that raw gay panda meat
It’s really very simple
You’re only as good as what you eat
My body is a temple
And this temple runs on panda meat
Raw gay panda meat
Karma is a bitch
Even for a homosexual panda
And my chakras all align
Every time I dine
All I wanna eat
Is raw gay panda meat
The only thing I need
Gimme that raw gay panda meat
What you wanna eat
Panda meat
What kind of panda meat
Gay panda meat
How you want it cooked
I don’t want it cooked
Say what, say what
Raw gay panda meat
All I wanna eat
Is raw gay panda meat
The only thing I need
Gimme that raw gay panda meat
Track Name: The Thing Is (what is that thing?)
Right now it’s difficult to talk to you
I find it very hard to look you in the eyes
And I can’t seem to make this work no matter how I try
Don’t ask me why
If you ask me why then I’ll say
Hey now what’s that thing on your face
Is that some kind of tumor
It sorta freaks me out
It might be infected
You should probably go to a place that checks that kind of thing
Before it’s too late and it swallows up your head
And starts to incubate
And little tiny aliens come out
It doesn’t look too great
In fact it’s pretty bad
I think it’s moving now
I’m pretty sure I saw it move
I know I probably sound like an asshole
But that thing looks hungry and I don’t wanna die
And I’m hypnotized by your extra eye
And now I can’t escape or loo away
Again I say to you
Hey now what’s that thing on your face
Is that some kind of tumor
It sorta freaks me out
It might be infected
You should probably go to a place that checks that kind of thing
Would it be ok if I named your face baby Quato
And if so can we go to Mars and give the people air
Just me and you and little you
And you can call me Quaid but I’m afraid
Still I’ll say to you
Hey now what’s that thing on your face
Is that some kind of tumor
It sorta freaks me out
It might be infected
You should probably go to a place that checks that kind of thing
(little tiny baby in the middle of your forehead)
Hey now what’s that thing on your face
Is that some kind of tumor
It sorta freaks me out
It might be infected
You should probably go to a place that checks that kind of thing
Track Name: Double Dragon (Todd Gets Facekicked)
Gonna walk from side to side
And then I'll kick some people in the face
And I'll save my girlfriend from being raped
That would be great
When I think I killed them all
Out from the wall will pop my evil twin
And he will laugh and we will fight
And I will win or die
Then when I get bored
Mom will go to store
Bring me home a new video game
Now I'm playing mega man
It’s pretty fun
I like the suit and gun
But it’s getting way too hard
And so I quit
(impossible game)
Now it’s back to whuppin ass
And all these gangs are gonna feel my wrath
When I smash them with a whip
I stole a whip
From Linda
But I still get bored
So I go outside
Kick my best friend Todd in the face
Track Name: Sensitive Guy
Look at that majestic rock
Look at those majestic trees and stuff
Everything is so majestic when you’re a sensitive guy
Magical rain from above
All the little drops of water sing a melody of love
Cause everything is so melodic when you’re a sensitive guy
And everything is so hypnotic when you’re a sensitive guy
Sensitive Guy
And I empathize with you
Sensitive Guy
And I get all choked up whenever I see babies
Sensitive Guy
And though I’ll never be as feminine as you I’d like to try
Cause I’m a sensitive guy
I’m a sensitive guy
Look at my magenta scarf
Brooding in my cool fedora hat
Mysterious and dark
Everything is so serious when you’re a sensitive guy
Cause every day is so mysterious when you’re a sensitive guy
Sensitive Guy
And I empathize with you
Sensitive Guy
And I get so worked up when I watch the Notebook
Sensitive Guy
And though I’ll never know the pain of child birth I’d like to try
Cause I’m a sensitive guy
I’m a sensitive guy
Sensitive Guy
And I empathize with you
Sensitive Guy
And I’m so civilized plus I own 3 cats
Sensitive Guy
And I know a man like me could never satisfy but I’d like to try
Cause I’m a sensitive guy
I’m a sensitive guy